Guts

Hip Bone to hip bone

my betrayal spills out the gash

         viscera tangling at my feet.

I try to stride to the judge

          trip over my guts

fall.

Knee in the crimson puddle I stuff myself

          back in my belly

wrap my poncho about my waist

          knot it square

and press on.

Temple to temple

my anguish clouts my forehead

          the killing floor greets my face.

I hang by my heels above,

          my carotid not yet slit,

stunned.

A slab of beef, I awaken to horror

          quarters surround me

I reach up and pull out the hooks

          drop on the glutinous concrete

stand, press on.

Buttress to buttress

          my acceptance spans the gorge

between agony and growth.

I step onto the weathered planks

creaking and groaning

         I balk.

Winds of denial buffet me

          yet I receive the benediction

and grace to continue

          below lies doubt in ambush

I engage.

Aspen to willow

          my rebirth blooms by sagebrush

a new crocus amongst the dun timothy.

I swish through the crisp dry hay

          tenderly miss petals

breathe.

The crotch of an ancient ponderosa pine

          invites my seat

I gaze at the far horizon

          smog covered peaks entice me

I am born!

For Marlise